Health Nut

Well, my good friend and fellow blogger, Naadii, has been dedicating much of her blog to her fitness goals and regime. At first the message didn't sink in, but lately I've found the struggle inspiring.

I'm not much on weight loss. Don't get me wrong - I could stand to lose an Olsen twin or two. But I've never been inspired by weight loss as a goal. As an overweight child, I suffered constant criticism and disdain from family members about my weight. It was all cloaked in the guise of love and wellness, but in the end, my being a more presentable looking child warranted any degree of insult. This began years before I was blessed with an independent awareness of my own wealth and beauty, so I took what I heard as truth. I was ugly, embarrassing, and disappointing. This was further aggravated by the fact that I was a highly athletic kid, and I cared a lot about what people thought of me. I couldn't put the pieces together. It all seemed impossible and unfair.

My greatest hurdle in getting in shape has been wanting to avoid the satisfaction it will bring to the ones who hurt me. So sad right? They still have so much control. But, it's changing - slowly. I desperately want to be the healthiest person I can be. I've always been kind of a health nut when it comes to putting good stuff in my body and staying active, but I've almost avoided the weight loss aspect out of fear, shame, and hanging on to old s***. Well, I still plan to avoid it! Losing weight will be great, but I've decided that if I never step foot on another scale outside of a doctor's office that will be fine with me!

I want tight skin, a strong center, great muscle tone, and endurance. I want to be able to tumble again! Back bends, walkovers, standing back handsprings - all that stuff I used to do as a kid, while sucking a lolly pop and believing I'd have those moves forever. Along with Naadii and the rest of my girls, I'm ready to struggle to live my best life. Today I went on a serious walk for the first time in a long time. I took the dog, and we both drug our fat a**es home like we'd run a marathon. It was good though - mainly because I didn't want to do it, for all sorts of convincing reasons, but I got out there anyway.

It will be difficult, but I'm glad of that. I seem to not be able to do anything the easy way. And I'm sure the weight loss will come, as will the comments about how much better I look, and how they're glad I finally got it together. And it will hurt, but I won't let it deter me. The fight would be too easy without it, and easy has never been my game!