Well, I'm back from Italy and what can I say? There was wine, pasta, monuments, more wine, church folk, drama, more wine, bed bugs, poor ventilation, more wine, sleeper cars, countryside, more wine, ostentatious locals, public groping, more wine, awesome conversation, inspiring messages, blessed company, and more wine. If nothing else, it was definitely an EXPERIENCE! And I thank everyone who helped to make it possible. For now, I'll stick to the most impressive aspect...
I made a new friend. Have you ever met someone and immediately knew they'd be in your life forever? That was the case with a young man I met in Rome. He was not an Italian. In fact he was good ole American Black folk from north Florida, and I can't imagine the trip without him. We talked, we laughed, and praised the Lord together. And I will admit that it had been a long time since I'd had so much fun doing so.
I've come a long way in my life. Having been reared in a Christian tradition that emphasized God's grace above all else, I was always torn between that tradition and the teachings of my grandparents' church. They were full-out fundamentalist evangelicals who preached fire and brimstone for anyone who refused to convert to their take on the Christian story. Being the sadly anal and perfectionistic child that I was, I believed that there must be a way to embrace my own God and still satisfy this fire-breathing deity that always loomed at the corners of my consciousness. I would often go down the checklist of do's and don'ts that were the guideposts of my grandparents' religion and make sure I was relatively in line - coming up with a composite score that would quantify the subsequent guilt that would ensue. Feeling sufficiently guilty, I would turn to my own God for forgiveness, absolution, and comfort - begging Him to reason with the frightening one on my behalf. I imagined the conversation going something like this: My God > "Please leave my daughter alone. She struggles to do right, but she really is a sweetheart. Plus, I love her. And if you really want this to get ugly, we can go right here! Don't nobody mess with my baby!!!" Fire-breathing deity > "Fine. But I've got my eye on her!"
It has taken me years to reconcile these ideas, and to embrace the truth of my loving God. My first awakening came around the age of 12 when I finally heard the message of God's love as if I was experiencing it for the first time. Like coming out of a fog, I realized God loves me. ME! Nerdy, chubby, jheri curl wearing, anal-retentive ME! All of me! I'm his baby, pure and simple. And when he calls me, he calls all of me - not just the cute parts or the smart parts - to step forth! Child, I took the weight of the watchful eye of that fire-breathing foolishness off me like a fur coat in July! (Would have set it on fire if I wasn't afraid my jheri curl would catch and send me to Jesus earlier than I wanted!) I still have my guilt-ridden days. But there's a difference between being accountable to God for the choices you make in life, and walking around with a death veil over your head. Either way you're held accountable. But one way, you're living in gratitude. The other way, you're counting down the days.
I say all this to say that the friendship I made in Rome would have been difficult for me to embrace in years past. I would have mistaken my friend's rootedness in a more conservative church tradition for an embracement of painful and frightening religiosity. But not anymore! We sang, "Glory, glory, hallelujah, since I laid my burdens down." We sang "Great Is Thy Faithfulness," and "A Charge to Keep." We prayed prayers of thanksgiving for coming from very different places, but for arriving in the same spot. We sang to the same God. We prayed to the same God. And we received the same joy. Odd that it took a trip to Italy to help me visualize the peace I've made with my Black American Christian experience. But, odd or not, I'm grateful - to God, and to my new friend.
What you say, brother? "Meet me Lord, meet me. Meet me in the middle of the air. And if these wings should fail me, send me another pair." LOL!!! Amen to that! You got to meet me somewhere in the middle!
